Are we all going to hate each other between now and November? It seems like it.
So I would like to present some guidelines that I follow in order to alienate the largest possible number of my fellow Americans. Ever since the Presidential campaign started to gain steam, I’ve gained a quiver-full of hate-building arrows that are particularly effective. Some were instinctual and others have been inspired by observing the mad skills displayed by acquaintances and friends. Out of a sense of caring, I share them with you in the hope that you will put them to good use as well:
1. Go Personal as Soon as Possible
The key to creating discord and ill will is to immediately move a conversation from a legitimate point of discussion to something about the person making the claim. The quicker this is done, the more likely that relationship damage will occur. The more exaggerated the personal slam, the better. Don’t try to engage the point or offer counter arguments. Go for the throat from the very beginning. If you must, address the issue at hand with a throw-away comment at the end.
Here’s an example of how to do it:
A: “Paul Ryan may not be everything you want, but his detailed proposals for conservative solutions to some of the country’s problems have been rare examples of constructive and proactive responses to the leftist agenda.”
B: “No wonder your husband cheated on you: your perception of reality is more distorted than anyone I’ve ever met and I’ve hated that about you for the last 15 years. I don’t know why he didn’t kill himself and get it over with. Ryan is a RINO.”
2. Deliberately Misunderstand or Misquote Others
A critical skill for constructive discussion is to make sure that you perfectly understand someone else’s point before responding. To effectively create discord, never query them to make sure you’ve accurately understood their position. The more often you are able to twist words or recast their meanings, the more likely it is that relationship damage occur.
Watch what’s being done in this exchange:
A: “I just can’t bring myself to vote for Trump/Hillary/Whomever because of (whatever).”
B: “You just think you’re better than everyone else and will object to any candidate who doesn’t agree with you 100%.”
3. Passionately Make Assertions That Are Not Supported By Facts
This is a particularly good way to distract a discussion (called a “red herring”) and create an additional point of argument. It is also extremely easy to do. The pro-move here is to make a claim that is wildly absurd and contains information known by most people to be patently untrue. Nuanced or obscure details require extra effort to rebut and no one has time for that.
A fantastic example of this can be seen when Scottie Nell Hughes recently asserted on CNN that Trump’s two divorces occurred as a result of his commitment to creating jobs. Her point was that by working so hard and being at the office so much, his marriages to Ivana and Marla were sacrificed for the good of others. Everyone knows this is total nonsense, but heads exploded in the wake of the comment – and that’s what really matters.
4. Post Article Links Without Comment
When you find a point being made with which you disagree, do not waste time by summarizing or clarifying. Force your opposition and their acolytes to do some homework and click through to the helpful and informative article that you found. No one EVER actually reads posted articles, but just remember that you’re trying to sow discord and anger. Do what you have to do.
Here’s an example that I saw the other day (that also includes following the advice given right above):
A: “Donald Trump has more support from black Americans than any other GOP candidate in history.”
5. Create Attack Teams
Using Twitter DMs or Facebook Messenger to organize a group of like-thinking folks to attack a loser friend is sneaky and effective. It’s never obvious and is always fun for those involved. A quick “Hey, Robert is at it again, posting ridiculous nonsense. Go get him!” note and the game is afoot. A really important element in this is to carefully pick your co-conspirators. The less real-life connection you have with them, the better.
Carefully adhering to all of these precepts will guaranty alienation, ill-will, and broken relationships. Other online skills you already apply with regularity, such as never acknowledging when someone makes a legitimate counter point or a total refusal to admit when you’re wrong, should continue to be used as well. With some practice and repetition, you too will be able to destroy connections you’ve had with those whom you now have ample reason to loathe.
Thank you for reading and please share!